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Headlines & Signs
- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says -
[you don't say]
- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers -
[now that's taking things a bit far!]
- Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over -
[what a guy!]
- Miners Refuse to Work after Death -
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]
- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant -
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]
- War Dims Hope for Peace -
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
- If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile -
[you think?]
- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures -
[who would've thunk it!]
- Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide -
[they may be on to something!]
- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges -
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
- Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge -
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
- New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group -
[weren't they fat enough?]
- Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft -
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
- Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half -
[Chainsaw Massacre all ove! r again!]
And the winner is....
- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead -
============================================
Did I read that sign right?
In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER......
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT
AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
[you don't say]
- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers -
[now that's taking things a bit far!]
- Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over -
[what a guy!]
- Miners Refuse to Work after Death -
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]
- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant -
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]
- War Dims Hope for Peace -
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
- If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile -
[you think?]
- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures -
[who would've thunk it!]
- Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide -
[they may be on to something!]
- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges -
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
- Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge -
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
- New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group -
[weren't they fat enough?]
- Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft -
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
- Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half -
[Chainsaw Massacre all ove! r again!]
And the winner is....
- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead -
============================================
Did I read that sign right?
In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER......
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT
AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
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