A Man's Living Will - Funny

[HopAlong]

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to
live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine
and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just
pull the plug."

His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of
his beer

[Outrun]

A guy was sitting in a bar and notices that the guy sitting next to him has a large case. He asks the guy what’s in the case and the guy says it’s his sniper rifle. He says, yeah, I’m a professional hitman. So the other guy asks him if he can look at it. So the hitman obliges and hands it over. The guy is pointing it around and says, hey, I can see my house from here. I can see my bedroom window. Then he goes, hey there’s my wife…and there’s my neighbor! What the hell. He asks the hitman how much he charges and the hitman says 1000 dollars per hit. So the guy writes a check for 2000 and says, I want you to shoot my wife in the head and my neighbor in the dick, that’ll teach em. So the hitman says, no problem and takes aim. After a few moments, the guys says, are you going to shoot them or not? The hitman says hold on, I think I may be able to save you a grand.

[Chris-Supra]

Hahaha

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar.

"What the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a drink."

When the gay bartender approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your willy?"

The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."

The gay bartender says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because 'It really Satisfies.' "

The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?"

The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."

The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?"

The fella proudly replies, " 'Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!' "

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?"

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because "'Quality is Job One" " Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"

The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY.....Like a Rock!" And gives a wink!

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer."

The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "'Why Secret?"

The cowboy says,

"Because it's "STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!

[slo5ohh]

hahaha good stuff

[SuperHO]

LOL

[HerrKooled]

A guy was sitting in a bar and notices that the guy sitting next to him has a large case. He asks the guy what’s in the case and the guy says it’s his sniper rifle. He says, yeah, I’m a professional hitman. So the other guy asks him if he can look at it. So the hitman obliges and hands it over. The guy is pointing it around and says, hey, I can see my house from here. I can see my bedroom window. Then he goes, hey there’s my wife…and there’s my neighbor! What the hell. He asks the hitman how much he charges and the hitman says 1000 dollars per hit. So the guy writes a check for 2000 and says, I want you to shoot my wife in the head and my neighbor in the dick, that’ll teach em. So the hitman says, no problem and takes aim. After a few moments, the guys says, are you going to shoot them or not? The hitman says hold on, I think I may be able to save you a grand.

heh heh