Nun joke.

[KrisR]

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you"


She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."



She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that but there's two things:



#1, you have to be single and
#2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."



The nun fulfils the cab driver's fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.



"My dear child," said the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Tom and I'm going to a Halloween party."

[HAULNSS]

How do you get a Nun pregnant?




















:idiot:










Dress her up like an Alter Boy.






Randy

[PHRANQUY]

:hah: Funny shit!

[SuperHO]

LOL

[Iroc-Z]

Nice

[SFC]

How do you get a Nun pregnant?




















:idiot:










Dress her up like an Alter Boy.






Randy

I think the priest would be tapping the wrong hole to make any baby's

[Xtort]

**I think this one is a little old but it just recirculated to me again.**

English assignment...

Remember the book - "Men are from Mars, Women

are from Venus"? Well, here is a true life example from the University

of Phoenix. An English Professor assigned his students to a joint

writing exercise that quickly degraded -check it out...


"Today we will experiment with a new form called

the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off

with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.


As homework tonight, one of you will write the

first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that

paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first

paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back

also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a

third paragraph, and so on, back and forth.


Remember to re-read what has been written each

time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO

talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be

written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion

has been reached."


The following was actually turned in by two of

my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name

deleted).


THE STORY:

(First paragraph by Rebecca)

-----------------------------------------------

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of

tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy

evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in

happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at

all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating,

and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up

again. So chamomile was out of the question.


(Second paragraph by Gary)
--------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader

of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important

things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic

bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.

"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17", he said into his transgalactic

communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so

far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of

nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from

the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.


(Rebecca)

---------------------------------------------------------

He bumped his head and died almost immediately,

but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically

brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon

afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the

peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War

and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news

simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,

dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and

carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from

her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.

"Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered

wistfully.


(Gary)
---------------------------------------------------------

Little did she know, but she had less than 10

seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anuudrian mother

ship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted

wimpy peaceniks that pushed the unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty

through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile

alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two

hours after the passage of the treaty the Anuudrian ships were on course

for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.

With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan.

The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The

President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean

floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion,

which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans.
The

President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow

this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"


(Rebecca)
---------------------------------------------------------

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this

mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic

semiliterate adolescent.


(Gary)
---------------------------------------------------------

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious

neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of

Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort

of F***ing TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many

Danielle Steele novels."


(Rebecca)
---------------------------------------------------------
Asshole.


(Gary)
--------------------------------------------------------
Bitch.




(Rebecca)
---------------------------------------------------------

Get screwed.


(Gary)
---------------------------------------------------------

Eat shit.


(Rebecca)
---------------------------------------------------------

SCREW YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!


(Gary)
----------------------------------------------------------

GO DRINK SOME TEA BITCH.


************************************************** ***************

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one.


Sincerely,

Terrence F. Jones

(H)763-789-**** (yes that number was in there)

[SuperHO]

LOL

[Paarman]

hahah awesome

[Video_Master]

That last one was great.